Entries for July, 2007
For years, I'd disdainfully dismissed the public restroom toilet seat cover industry as stupid. I'd walk into a public restroom to do my business, pull out the toilet seat covers, and become frustrated at the inefficiency of the punch-out middle part because it wouldn't punch out correctly. I'd have to stand there and slowly tear off each tab because they were stuck on too well for a quick, one-movement process. After this silent grudge against the companies who'd stay in business for years without remedying this horrendously obvious oversight, I told my sister about my restroom problems.
Well, it turns out you're not supposed to tear the middle tab out before sitting on it. Apparently you're supposed to lay the seat cover onto the toilet seat and then sit, allowing your asscheeks to do the punching-out-of-that-stubborn-middle-tab-section.
My first response: Sure, it might work in THEORY, but what if it DOESN'T work? Then you've got yourself into a sticky situation [Read: Ha Ha!] in which you're sitting in your own steaming pile of crap at the city's finest French restaurant on the very night you were planning on asking for your girlfriend's hand in marriage but you had the jitters so you needed to sit on the toilet for a second to calm your nerves except now your cheap 3-per-pack Fruit of the Loom briefs along with your ridiculously expensive rented slacks are covered with delicious brown gravy.
Regardless, I must try this new method next time I need to take a dump at a restaurant or airport. How have I gone through my entire childhood, teenage, and pseudo-adult years without knowing how to use a public restroom correctly?
Written by jihwan at 11:26 PM.