Entries for October, 2004

I was thinking about getting married and having kids. Again.

One thought led to another, and I got to wondering about other people's children. And then about children in fairy tales and folk tales. Don't ask me how my train of thought jumped from reality to fantasy in one jump. I don't know how my mind process functions.

There are a few freaky parent/child relationships in children's tales, but kids are too stupid to understand some of disturbing facts about the fantasies.

The freakiest example I can think of would be, of course, Stuart Little.

Now, I know that in modern versions, the Little family adopts the little rat and goes along with their little Little lives with the usual catastrophes and little antics that little Stuart Little pulls.

But in E.B. White's original version, Mrs. Little actually gave birth to a boy who "was the same size as and looked exactly like a mouse."

THAT is gross. First off, how would the Littles have known that Mrs. Little was pregnant with little Stuart Little? He's the size of a freakin' scrotum, for Pedro's sake. At least Mrs. Little wouldn't have had to worry about stretch marks. Ha. ha.

Plus, the pregnancy wouldn't have been a normal carriage, either. Instead of kicking his mother with his little feet [causing Mr. Little to place his head on Mrs. Little's stomach and smile at the fact that he'd soon be a father], he would be scrabbling around in the womb, clawing at her insides and gnawing at the placenta [causing Mr. Little to start whacking Mrs. Little with a broomstick and frantically call for Pest Control].

But what makes me queasy is when Mrs. Little would have gone into labor.

"All right, Mrs. Little, I need you to push. All right, I think I see the little foot! Oh, wait... wha.. WHAT THE HELL?! This.. no... NO... what do we do? Do we kill it? God help us all..."

"I mean... congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Little! You've given birth to a rat... I mean, a young, healthy boy! Boy, isn't he feisty? Look at him, hissing and slashing at the air with his sharp little claws!"

Just the thought of a rodent crawling out of a woman's... inner areas...

Written by jihwan at 05:53 PM.

6 x 0 = 0

There's no such thing as "Bubblegum Flavor."

Lies. All lies.

There's no such thing as a bubblegum-flavored smoothie.

There's no such thing as bubblegum-flavored ice cream.

Hell, there's even no such thing as bubblegum-flavored bubblegum.

You know what bubblegum flavor is?

It's the original and innovative flavor of sugar.

Think about it.

Written by jihwan at 07:44 PM.

5 x 0 = 0

Due to circumstances well within my control but way beyond my ability, I haven't been able to write much for the past few days.

However, today deserves a little shout out. The Korean festival concert was simply awesome, and I got to see some of my favorite singers perform.

An assload of thanks to Albert for getting us tickets, paying for $17 parking, and buying us dinner. I owe you one.

---

On a related note, The United States Postal Service has let me down. On Tuesday, I mailed a letter [an actual letter!] to a very special person. When we talked very recently, I discovered that she never got it.

So someone out there in the world has opened my letter to this very special person and has read it. That someone probably laughed at my feeble attempt to string together a coherent letter to this very special person. Damn.

I have lost faith in the Eagle.

Written by jihwan at 12:50 AM.

9 x 0 = 0

You can be at:

The wrong place at the right time.
You agree to meet your girlfriend at Wendy's at 4:00. However, you end up at the Wendy's across town.

The right place at the wrong time.
You agree to meet your girlfriend at Wendy's. However, she was there at 4:00 and you went there in December.

The wrong place at the wrong time.
You agree to meet your girlfriend at Wendy's. However, she was there at 4:00 and you go to the Jupiter Mining company in the year 2146.

The right place at the right time.
You agree to meet your girlfriend at Wendy's at 4:00. However, she dumps you like a sick old dog because you're a cheap bastard who refuses to buy her anything except what's on the 99-cent Value Menu.

Written by jihwan at 04:02 PM.

8 x 0 = 0