Entries for September, 2004

Have you ever sat down and wondered about something? I'm not talking about those little childlike "Twinkle, twinkle, little star" type of wonders. I'm not talking about those pansy female "I wonder if he likes me" kind of wonders. I'm talking about a real man's wonder - the type of wonder in which coal miners and lumberjacks partake when they take a break from the daily asswhooping that they serve out. I'm talking about the hairy, plaid-wearing, buttscratching, 3-O'clock shadow type of wonder.

Yeah.

I was wondering about the prospect of being stranded on a desert island. And I realized that in the case of a shipwreck, it would be fatal for me to be wearing my contact lenses and not be carrying my glasses.

If you didn't know, I am as blind as they come. Without my contacts or glasses, I can't read the numbers on a calendar from 6 feet away. I can't tell one person's face from another's across the room. Without my glasses, the whole world becomes blurred, and my eyes get tired after straining to see things outside my limited range of sight.

So if I were to be stranded on an island, I would be dead within a week. By the third day, my contact lenses would have been either lost or thrown away due to the pain of having disposable lenses in your eyeballs for too long. Then what? I wouldn't be able to hunt, fish, or search for fruits or vegetables very effectively. I wouldn't be able to protect myself from wild animals or spot rescue ships out at sea. I'd just sit there, whimpering and writing long-winded rants on the hot, dry sand. After a couple days, I'd just curl up and die.








Note to self: Do not embark on any cruises, fishing trips, or whale-watching expeditions in the near future. Nor in the far future.





P.S. In the case that I do happen to be out at sea, make sure to bring along non-decomposable emergency rations, emergency flares, a two-way radio, a saltwater purifier, a change of clothes, a Swiss Army Knife, a flashlight, a lighter, a makeshift tent, various signal beams, a volleyball, a fishing net, a bear trap, a Coleman grill, a portable television set fully equipped with TiVO, and a squad of beautiful ladies.





P.P.S. Wear pants with really, really large pockets.

Written by jihwan at 04:59 PM.

7 x 0 = 0

Ever since school started, I haven't been able to sleep straight, let alone gather my thoughts long enough to write something about how I haven't been able to sleep straight and not be able to write about how I haven't been able to sleep straight and not be able to write about how I'M SO DAMN TIRED.

I'm a very loose person. Or, at least, I like to see myself as a loose person. I have no qualms about fooling around with my friends when people will think we're majorly stupid or slightly homosexual. Which, by the way, I am not. Contrary to popular belief.

I fart in class and I announce it. I sit on people's laps and fart. I perform a little hoppity-hop and a twist while I fart. I'm a very gaseous person.

After that amazingly astute and insightful self-actualization period, I'm just too tired to write more. Really.










I just farted. The coincidence of it all.

Written by jihwan at 11:14 PM.

3 x 0 = 0

For the past month or so, I've been experiencing a constant ritardando of the mind, and as of now, my brain is running at a steady 66 Adagio with a few bursts of a-tempo prestos, usually during the most inopportune times.

During my brief periods of clarity, I thought about how people with different occupations must each have certain things they notice while on the job.

For example, the man that took my graduation photos [which, by the way, depicted me as a supremely sexy pimpmaster with a navy blue tie] might notice that the girls almost always try to tilt their heads to the side a little so they can look a bit thinner.

The girl working at the McDonald's may notice that the people that ask for extra ketchup packets always leave some unopened.

The guy that works at the local car wash might notice that people that drive BMWs and Benzes usually give a lot more tip on weekend mornings.

So I have to wonder: how much more observant could I be by stepping into these people's shoes, one by one? After a couple weeks of working at the library, a few weeks of shoveling dirt at a construction site, or a week of handing out flyers for a non-profit organization, I would be incredibly familiar with the little habits and quirks of society.

I would be able to mentally connect certain patterns of people's lifestyles, calculate and anticipate the way they interact socially, and manipulate the predictable actions of the people with which I come into contact.

Then what?













I don't know. It was just a thought.

Written by jihwan at 05:58 PM.

3 x 0 = 0