I'm hating myself right now. I hate being utterly unable to do anything to help a friend in need. I hate not being able to support a friend who's 200 miles away and in distress. I hate having to blurt out a hackneyed line of consolation via AOL Instant Messenger. I hate not being able to show her my concern, not being able to give her a hug, not being able to offer a shoulder to cry on. I hate how I feel pain when she feels pain.

You know what they say: "Just being there to listen to a friend when they're in trouble is helping."

Bullshit.

When you haven't been in her shoes, when you haven't experienced what she's experienced, when you haven't a remote idea of the kind of pain she's going through, then you can't help. Not even close. The simple fact that you can't imagine what thoughts are spinning around in her mind distances the two of you. You're out of reach. All you can do is try to scrape up all the idealistic Hollywood consolation lines: I'm sure everything's going to be all right. Don't worry, you'll get through it. I'm here for you.

Garbage. That's what those words are. Trash. You can't be sure everything's going to be all right. You don't know that they'll get through it. And no way in this side of hell are you there for them.

What does listening to them do? Does it rid them of their troubles? What does "Hang in there" do? Does it diminish their pain at that very moment? Comforting words aren't like novocaine shots that immediately numb sensation and feeling. They're more like the motherly pats on the shoulder that you get as you get your teeth ripped out of your mouth.

I hate feeling like an inadequate friend.

Written by jihwan at 12:43 AM.

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