I got a haircut today. And I got it cut extra short, as close to bald as I could without having my mom flip out. Why? While getting my hair yanked out of my scalp and having too many close shaves with the razor [yay for bad jokes!], I got to thinking.

Why do people all over the world spend so much energy, time, money, and stress on hair?

Hair is nothing but dead, keratinized, pigmented filaments. Put simply, hair is dead cells, because by definition, as soon as it grows beyond the epidermis of the scalp, the cells are dead. Now, tell me, what's the use in taking unnecessary care of something that is all con in a pro/con situation?

Hair doesn't DO anything. All it does is force people to buy shampoos, conditioners, moisturizers, keratin packs, dyes, strengtheners, and women-know-what-else. Americans alone throw away millions of dollars yearly buying something to make dead cells shine, to give dead cells "body," [whatever the hell that means], to change their dead cells' colors, and so on.

Plus, hair gets in your face, makes you waste more money on haircuts [in womens' cases, $400 for a "haircut" whose result looks exactly the same as before], turns gray, and eventually FALLS OUT.

How about we all just go bald? Then we wouldn't have people self-conscious about balding heads, people trying to cover up gray hairs with dyes, and girls being jealous of other girls' hair. It would be comfortable and economical, and we could use all the money poured into the hair industry to do something productive, like feeding the poor or buying me a new 40-Gigabyte iPod.

I mean, think about it. Why go through the trouble, the pains, the stress, the worries, the money, the time? All that CRAP for thousands of DEAD CELLS?!

As impractical as my proposal may be, it was surprisingly convincing. To me, at least. So I call to all the Captain Kirks, the Vin Diesels, the Ron Howards, the Hulk Hogans, the Billy Corgans, the John Lithgows, the Jason Alexanders, and the Homer Simpsons!!! Let's just simplify life by being the instigators of a new movement, a new trend, a new lifestyle!

...

Just as soon as I can convince my mom to let me go bald.

Written by jihwan at 07:56 PM.

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