Entries for January, 2004

To start the year off with a bang, I would have opened this entry with a hilariously witty comment about life. Then I would've gone on to point out something that happened to me and what effect it had of me, also in a very witty sort of way. After that, I would have ranted about something that pissed me off, like idiot whitewashed Korean girls or crunchy french fries. As the icing on the cake, I would've closed with an incredibly sexy statement about how I'm incredibly sexy.

But. I'm too tired.

Happy New Year, everyone.

Written by jihwan at 12:02 AM.

5 x 0 = 0

Laziness is like a contagious disease in a country with very bad medical resources. Take a completely random example. Me. I'm two weeks into winter break [time flies when you're lying around doing nothing], and I've accomplished nothing worthwhile to receive praises and capture the hearts of every bonnie lass that sees me. And that's not a good sign.

Laziness' henchmen, Procrastination and Bad Judgement, have infiltrated the quiet, peaceloving, hardworking mind of Jihwan. Their devious machinations have brought the gears inside his head to a grinding, screeching halt. Now, the citizens of Jihwansville [brain cells] are getting high at parties, drinking 1-gallon shots of hard soju, and inviting the sexy neuron strippers for some very hot nights.

Jihwansville is crumbling. It has tax returns to file, libraries of documents to shelve, bridges to build, criminals to put to justice, and most importantly, home-work [to pay homage to the wicked pirates at the education centers who plunder and pillage Jihwansville of all fun and relaxation] to do. And most grevious is the-- Wait, what?! Who are you?!?! What do you want?!?!

*scuffling is heard in the background, then a gunshot rings throughout the studio*

"Ahem. Is this thing on? *taptap* All right, this is Laziness speaking. Your mayor is dead. From now on, I am Mayor. There will be no more intelligent thoughts, well-developed journal posts, or coherent typing. Fear me, people of Jihwansville!! I have taken over!! Now, let the journal entry go on!!"

*journal commences*

LykE aH wuZ sEyiN, jiHwaNsVillE isS dOomEd.

Written by jihwan at 02:09 AM.

9 x 0 = 0

Many people misunderstand me when I go off into one of my tiresome rants about brainless Asian people.

"oMg, bUh uR aZn tOoH~*"

No.

I am asian.
They are aZn.

There's an intelligence difference.

Written by jihwan at 09:28 PM.

10 x 0 = 0

These surveys have been popping up everywhere, and every time I turn my head, some person is propogating the stupid thing. "Jihwan, take this completely harmless, life-determining, insanely fun, very short survey on your dream girl."

So I took the damned thing. And it didn't take 20 minutes, like all those girls complain about. [Oh yeah, if you're gonna complain about it, DON'T TAKE THE QUIZ.] It took me about 5 seconds. Here it goes:


THE PERFECT GUY SURVEY:

1. hair color
2. eye color
3. height
4. six pack
5. long or short hair
6. glasses
7. piercings
8. scars
9. eyebrows
10. big butt or little
11. chest hair
12. buff or skinny
13. straight teeth, gap, or braces
14. funny or serious
15. party or stay at home
16. should he cook or bake?
17. should he have a best friend?
18. should he have a lotta girlfriends?
19. outgoing or shy
20. sarcastic or sincere
21. should he love his mother?
22. should he watch chick flicks?
23. should he be a smoker?
24. would he drink?
25. would he swear?
26. would he play with your hair?
27. one or more girls at a time?
28. would he pay for dates?
29. does he kiss on the first date?
30. where would you go to dinner?
31. would he bring you flowers?
32. would he lay under the stars with you?
33. would he write poetry about you?
34. would he call you hunny, sweetie, or baby?
35. would he hang out with you and YOUR friends?
36. would you hang out with him and HIS friends?
37. will he walk you to the door at the end?
38. holding hands?
39. soccer
40. baseball
41. basketball
42. football
43. water polo
44. surf
45. skateboard
46. snowboard
47. sing
48. play guitar
49. play piano
50. play drums
51. clean his room
52. paint, draw, sculpt
53. writes his own music
54. use the word dude
55. use the word tight
56. would he watch the sun rise with you?
57. what kind of car does he drive?
58. how old is he
59. what would his name be?
60. what is one requirement he'd HAVE to meet?

I didn't bother putting up an answer for every question because they all have the same answer: WHO THE HELL CARES?

*waits for response*

That's what I thought. No one. And you're not gonna find that perfect guy. Too bad. You're gonna have to settle for someone that only fits 15 of your 60-point criteria, and chances are, you're gonna be pretty happy with him.

Reiteration: Who cares? No one.

Written by jihwan at 11:02 PM.

19 x 0 = 0

There are some times when you feel just plain stupid. You burst out onto the scene, pearl-handled revolvers blazing, cowboy hat stylishly askew, a manly look of confidence in your face as you take bullets in your chest like they're Skittles, and basically looking to kick some serious ass, when you trip over the edge of the rug and fall on your face.

And I'm feeling pretty stupid right about now. My little baby sister got me pretty good on this one, and I couldn't be more taken aback. I feel embarrassed, yet kinda proud, in an older brotherly kind of way.

But I'm the kind of guy that doesn't dwell on things I can't change. So I get up, put my hat on straight, dust myself off, and get ready to start kicking some butt again. As the little 14 year-old brown-haired elf put so eloquently, I'm gonna deal with it and go on.

You've won this battle. Hats off to you. But I'm older, stronger, smarter, and better-looking than you are. I'll win the war. You can bite my ankles and attack me with your Altoid-sized fists, but remember: I'm the one that can sneak into your room and shave off your eyebrow while you're sleeping.

Written by jihwan at 01:43 AM.

10 x 0 = 0

Life is like a box of chocolates.

It may look like globs of crap on the outside, but if you give it a try, it's surprisingly sweet.

Except the ones with the nasty crap inside. Those look like crap and taste like crap.

Written by jihwan at 01:39 PM.

2 x 0 = 0

My friend took a picture of me. Except it didn't come out right, and I ended up looking like I was the subject of experimental eyebrow removal plastic surgery. I swear that camera hates me.



After the initial ribbing, he decided to play with the photos a bit.









And, in my opinion, the worst one:




DON'T YOU EVER TELL ME YOUR PICTURES CAME OUT BAD.

Written by jihwan at 11:43 PM.

16 x 0 = 0

Instead of the old rant format, I tried something new today. I'm hoping this new "list format" gets my ideas across better than 5 paragraphs full of colorful analogies and harsh examples. Also, my counselor at the Become a better People-Person!!! clinic told me to use the phrase "I like" rather than "I hate." So here goes.

-I like how everyone refers to themselves as "the ultimate procrastinator," when in reality all teens procrastinate.

-I like how everyone compares how late they sleep and the winner is whoever goes to bed latest, even though the winner clearly is the one that comes to school looking refreshed after a good night's rest.

-I like how it's cool to have sex at age 15 and have your dick fall off at age 20.

-I like how people moan and whine about how much they hate their parents, when in reality, no one does.

-I like how movies get Academy Awards because a nation full of bovine morons raved about it because there was one good action scene, despite the complete lack of plot, coherence, and attention to anachronism.

-I like how people ask you what kind of music you like and answer with "Ewww!!!" like someone is forcing them to listen to it.

-I like how the old ladies at the retirement home call me a "disrespectful rapscallion." I should introduce them to some of the kids at school.

-I like how women use the long, confusing way to say something that can be summarized as "I'm mad, don't touch me" or "I'm mad, but you can still joke around with me."

-I like how people are idiots and are oblivious to it.

-I like how I've become a bitter, semi-cynical old fart that has nothing better to do than sit here and think of ways to eat annoying little kids.

...

Am I more socially competent now?

Written by jihwan at 11:51 PM.

9 x 0 = 0

All movies can be summarized by three main points:

-Enter hero/noble cause. Cue audience to fall in love with hero/noble cause.

-Enter villain/evil plot. Cue audience to despise villan/evil plot.

-After a brief-yet-intense struggle, and moments of tense anticipation, hero/noble cause defeats villain/evil plot. Cue audience to nod their heads at each other about how good movie was.

That's basically how all movies go. Movies that "succeed," anyway. Even when the hero ends up dying, it's supposedly for a "greater good," thus immortalizing the hero further. What bull. Personally, I'd like to see the villain get something out of this. Always the underdog, hated by the masses and never gets to enjoy triumph, the villain really needs a break.

You'd think people would catch on to the fact that the villain/evil plot never wins. I think that many of us would like to see a movie in which the hero dies and the noble cause becomes completely thwarted by the villain/evil plot. If the villain can't win, I just wish the hero could at least endure some humiliating act of shame so I could laugh at him.

I have made two possible storylines of a so-called "great movie," The Titanic.

The trite, sappy version
-Jack wants to go to America
-Jack falls in love with Rose
-Jack draws Rose naked
-Jack has hot, passionate sex with Rose
-Ship thinks it can take on the iceberg and tries to tackle it; iceberg wins
-Rose risks her own life to save Jack; cue audience to hate Bad Guy Hal because his fiancee cheated on HIM
-Ship flounders; Jack freezes to death; audience cries
-Movie receives countless awards and accolades

The version everyone wants to watch
-Jack wants to go to America; gets crap beaten out of him for cheating at poker
-Jack falls in love with Rose; gets the crap beaten out of him by Hal
-Jack draws Rose naked; gets beaten down by Hal
-Jack has hot, passionate sex with Rose; gets castrated with a dull steak knife by Hal
-Ship thinks it can take on the iceberg and tries to tackle it; iceberg wins; Jack is thrown by the impact and breaks his neck
-Rose risks her own life to save Jack; Hal beats Rose for her stupidity and goes back to the holding room to kick Jack in the ribs out of spite
-Ship flounders; Jack survives, only to get the crap beaten out of him by random people that hate DiCaprio
-Movie receives no awards because it's "unconventional;" people blame it on DiCaprio's horrible acting and beat him like the jerk he is

I like my version a helluva lot better.

Written by jihwan at 05:33 PM.

10 x 0 = 0

There's something inexplicably gratifying about jumping into the warm embrace of your bed after a hard day. No words are needed; as soon as you envelop yourself into the folds of your blanket, as soon as you lay your head on the fluffy feather pillow, it understands you. It comforts you, it strengthens you, it surrounds you with a feeling of safety you can't seem to get anywhere else. You fall asleep peacefully, breathing in the familiar smell of yourself. When you're curled up in your blanket, warm and protected, nothing touches you.

I'm slowly dying of sleep deprivation. Can you tell?

Written by jihwan at 06:51 AM.

7 x 0 = 0

I have a certain projected image of myself in intervals of ten years. I'm creeping up to age 17, and with the whole college application process looming in front of me, I've been daydreaming and planning out my life from the young adult age to the prune-juice age. Here is idealistic expectation to the max.

Age 20: Living in a nice, cozy dorm at a respectable college; majoring in Biomedical Engineering or Premedicine, minoring in English or Journalism; livin' la vida loca up da heezy f'sheezy

Age 30: Preferably married and settled down with a nice, intelligent, Christian Korean woman; experiencing the joys of becoming a parent; attending Graduate/Medical school as I aim for my Doctorate or Ph.D; flaunting the money I don't have with my black BMW

Age 40: Taking the so-called midlife crisis in stride; a daughter and two sons well on their way to Stanford, Johns Hopkins, and UPenn; living comfortably in a modest home in the hills somewhere

Age 50: Reaping the fruits of my labor with a sort of laid-back pride; looking forward to retirement; children aiming to become a lawyer, a doctor, and a businessman [the perfect Korean ideals]

Age 60: Living in a nice home on the lakefront in Northern California with my loving wife; taking up hobbies such as flyfishing and nature photography; attending grandchildren's Christmas pageants and birthday parties

Age 70: Publish a book entitled That's life, consisting of journal entries gathered throughout my life

Age 80: Die peacefully by the Grace and Mercy of God, and spend eternity with my Creator

Sounds like a good life, don't it?

Written by jihwan at 12:43 AM.

8 x 0 = 0

It's funny how you can look back and realize how age can make such a difference in the way you see people. For example, I used to believe my mom when she told me that if I was bad, she would send me away to the police, and that I would never see her again.

Now I realize that may have been a lie.

My elementary school principal, Mrs. Hernandez, used to scare the chunky liquid crap out of me. Once, I got sent to her office for stuffing a certain type of pinecone [known by the playground kids as "itchy powder"] down some girl's shirt. I was crying, with globs of snot smeared all over my face as I tried to wipe the tears away. I think I may have soiled the office seats, too. You can't blame me, because Mrs. Hernandez was one of those people with the 1990s eyebrow reformation surgery done on her, making her look like some hideous child-eating mountain troll. Plus, she was fat. Needless to say, I was scared.

Now I realize that I could've distracted her with a jelly doughnut, beaten her over the head with her name plaque, and gotten the hell outta there.

Or how I used to think that girls would like me if I threw rocks at them and started making fun of their chubbiness. [If any of them developed anorexia later on in life, it's SO not my fault.] They would chase me around the school, and I would be merrily running away, not knowing that they were really chasing me down in order to rip my balls off and feed it to their pet vipers.

Now I realize how much of a pimp mack daddy I was.

Written by jihwan at 06:58 PM.

1 x 0 = 0

WARNING: This is a nice and simple recap of my day. If any of you are scared to death of entries with no point, I advise you to leave right now. If you think you can handle a rare diary entry by Jihwan, then make sure your bars are tight against your chest, do not put your arms out the car, and secure all loose items. Enjoy the ride.

Tonight was one of those nights that don't progress until you think of something to do. I was supposed to go to the hospital for community service with Sandra, but we changed our minds and went roaming around the city.

Went to the Topanga mall and I bought a game. We walked around the mall, sniffing $8 lip balms and smearing the glass display cases of expensive stuff.

Went to Starbucks and bought a chocolate scone, because they didn't have cranberry ones.

Went to the AMC Promenade Barnes & Noble and listened to music and read picture books for about an hour.

Went to Denny's and shared a huge banana split.

Came home.

Quite uneventful, yet fun. Thanks to Sandee for the enchanted evening.

If you have decided that this entry was far more damaging to your system than you had expected, there may be a cure. Xangatrex is an all-natural concentration of intelligence that has proven in laboratory animals to lower idiocy levels up to 50%. Jihwan is not responsible for any long-term illnesses or disorders one may experience. Possible side effects are loss of coherent speech, inability to type normally, and regression to signs of valley-girliness. If you feel any of these symptoms, speak to your doctor about Xangatrex. A more intelligent future is waiting for you.

Written by jihwan at 10:42 PM.

9 x 0 = 0

This situation happened quite some time ago; I just didn't get around to writing about it.

After dropping my sister off at her SAT prep class, I almost got sideswiped by two cars in a big hurry. I assume they were in a hurry because the speed limit for Roscoe Blvd. is 35 mph, and they were probably scaling 80. Maybe they were late for a meeting of the Florists' Club, or maybe they couldn't wait to get home to eat mother's freshly baked pie. I wouldn't know. They were going too fast for me to ask them.

I didn't see who the drivers were, but I know for a fact that they were Asian. How do I know, you ask? Well, one of the cars was an Acura Integra, with its dinner-plate-sized muffler vroooom-ing, and the other was a Honda Civic Hatchback [and I can almost swear I saw sparks fly as its body kit dragged on the pavement].

Fast cars are cool. Fast import cars are cooler. Fast import cars with $15,000 worth of adjustments are beyond cool.

You can always tell who drives those cars. During class, you see him, sitting straightbacked in his chair, notebook steering wheel in hand, eyes twitching as he glances at the rearview mirror. You can see his feet continually accelerating, braking, clutching, accelerating, clutching. It seems as though he can't keep his right hand still, because he has to change to change gears every few seconds. A drop of sweat glistens on his brow as he enters the last stretch. Then you see his face break out into a big grin as the girls catapault themselves at him because he's so sexy for winning the race.

Oh, how I wish I had a fast Asian import car, so that I could be cool, too.

Written by jihwan at 01:39 PM.

1 x 0 = 0

Somehow my "Friends of" list is gone. I can deduce two possible reasons for this:

1) I made a mistake and did something to my tabulas account to make all my "Friends of's" disappear.

2) Everyone decided they hated me in a globe-encompassing agreement and coldly deleted me from their computers and memories.

In the case that it is situation number one, would you all be as kind as to add me back?

Written by jihwan at 08:45 PM.

7 x 0 = 0

I really must be doing my work, but I have to get this off my chest. I hate Nathaniel Hawthorne. His writing style seems to be deliberately construed so that the reader gets lost within the maze of words. He has prepositional phrases for his subject, adverb clauses for prepositional phrases, adjective clauses for the adverb clauses, pronuncial phrases for his adjective clauses, restatements for his pronuncial phrases separated by dashes, a whole new independent clause within the dashes, prepositional phrases for the subject of his new independent clauses, adverb clauses for prepositional phrases, adjective clauses for the adverb clauses, pronuncial phrases for his adjective clauses, restatements for his pronuncial phrases separated by dashes, a whole new independent clause within the dashes, prepositional phrases for the subject of his new independent clauses, and so on and on and on and on and on.

It's like he was writing for a contest to see who can squeeze in the most semicolons and dashes and create a Frankenstein of a sentence that posterity tends to glaze over. I mean, in all seriousness, could you have any MORE commas?!

I close with a sentence from Mr. Hawthorne:

In my native town of Salem, at the head of what, half a century ago, in the days of old King derby, was a bustling wharf, - but which is now burdened with decayed wooden warehouses, and exhibits few or no symptoms of commercial life; except, perhaps, a bark or brig, half-way down its melancholy length, discharging hides; or, nearer at hand, a Nova Scotia schooner, pitching out her cargo of firewood, - at the head, I say, of this dilapidated wharf, which the tide often overflows, and along which, at the base and in the rear of the row of buildings, the track of many languid years is seen in a border of unthrifty grass, - here, with a view from its front windows adown this not very enlivening prospect, and thence across the harbour, stands a spacious edifice of brick.

Don't tell me that doesn't piss you off.

Written by jihwan at 12:09 AM.

7 x 0 = 0

I spent all night doing my AP English assignment.

The printer decided it wanted to clear half my hard drive instead.

I bombed my math test like it was going out of style.

I sacrificed my other assignments to do the English assignment.

The irony of it is almost funny.

I have to do the English assignment over.

Everyone has their bad days.

Mine was today.

Written by jihwan at 08:33 PM.

2 x 0 = 0

I was at my relatives' house for my cousin's 10th birthday. After the cake and the gifts and the whole shebang, the kids went upstairs to fool around and left the adults to do their boring things.

My cousins are 12, 10, and 7. They seem to love to beat the crap out of each other.

Phil does the bunny-ears thing on Eddie.
Eddie pokes Phil.
Phil slaps Eddie.
Eddie punches Phil.
Phil pushes Eddie against the wall.
Hannah looks on, laughing at both of them.
Eddie and Phil tackle Hannah.
Phil yanks Hannah's hair, and Eddie pinches her.
Hannah kicks Phil in the face and bites Eddie.
Phil is momentarily stunned and lies on the floor, dazed.
Eddie and Hannah jump on top of Phil and start pounding him.
Phil gets hold of a book and hurls it at Eddie, hitting him in the face.
Hannah gets hit by the retalitory toy truck thrown at Phil.
Eddie knees Phil in the stomach.
Hannah slams Eddie's head against the floor.
Eddie grabs Phil by the hair and drags him across the room.
Hannah grabs Phil's legs and attempts to break them.
Phil headbutts Eddie in the balls.
Eddie is down.
Hannah whips out a couple shirts and starts whipping Phil.
Phil charges at Hannah and knocks her off her feet.
Eddie jumps on top of both of them.
Jiyoung [my sister] tries to break them up and ends up on the floor with them.

This is where I decide it's gone a bit too far. I intervene.

Jihwan powerdives onto all of them, cackling like a maniac and enjoying hearing the kids scream in pain.

Human beings can be awful cruel to one another.

Written by jihwan at 10:49 PM.

2 x 0 = 0

I had a thought today. It was the kind of thought that you stumble upon, yet wonder why you didn't think of it before. The ultimate gold mine of innovation and inspiration, the mother lode of the many veins of ideas that run through your head, the boss meatball - I had it.






























Then I lost it.

Written by jihwan at 07:07 PM.

7 x 0 = 0

Well, here I am. The final hurdle of the first semester. After 19 weeks of half-assed work, I'm sitting at my desk at 2:25 a.m., trying to cram for finals. Even now, as I take a wash-face/stretch/cry break, I have a damn strong urge to play Mega Man Zero 2. Great game. Very challenging. Great graphics and sound. Addictive gameplay.

..see what I mean? My level of focus is about as high as I am tall. Which isn't very high. [Har, har, Jihwan's making short jokes about himself...]

..Neuroscience and behavioral psychology...
..El presente progresivo con los complementos directos e indirectos..
..Cosine pi over quantity two minus theta equals sin theta..
..Population structure and composition from the neo-Malthusian viewpoint..
..Henry David Thoreau, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Edgar Allen Poe..
..Jacksonian Democracy and its effects on American government..

Break's over. Time to study.

Written by jihwan at 03:30 AM.

2 x 0 = 0

Another break from studying for my English final - and here I am, pondering the words of Henry David Thoreau. "Our life is frittered away by detail," he says.

I couldn't agree less.

I feel that complexity and the ability to cope with it is what separates humans from animals. The little intricacies in life stimulate our minds, spur us on to achieve more, and expand our intellectual horizons. Although it may seem superfluous and unnecessary, detail is the whetstone for our capability to think.

Anyone and anything can look up at the sky and wonder at its magnificence. But it takes a special kind of intelligence to actually study it and learn about it. An animal can marvel at the complexity of a plant. But only humans can methodically take it apart and broaden the range of their knowlege. Our minds are too precious for idle, unstimulated lethargy.

To live in the forest, to cast aside all of society's subtleties and complexities - it may seem ideal, but is it really beneficial to one's intellectual expansion?

The little quirks of your best friend. Teenage girls' unexplainable obsessions with boy bands. The stresses of competing in the business world. The underlying meanings and hints of every statement. The contest for more power, more money, more fame. Our complex, muddled relationships with others. Every single one of these is a labyrinth that our minds constantly attempt to solve. In doing so, we become smarter, wiser, and more human.

Our lives are hardly frittered away by detail.

Written by jihwan at 06:21 AM.

2 x 0 = 0

If my predictions are correct, my first semester grades will be uncannily analogous to the city of Dresden during WWII.

Written by jihwan at 07:14 PM.

6 x 0 = 0

I have a friend. I've know this friend since I was born, and we've grown up together for almost 17 years. During my childhood, we got along great. He would open up opportunities for me, and I would make the most them. I would think about him whether things were good or bad, because he was always there with me.

I have a friend. But over the past few years, I feel that he's been neglecting me. It may be my own fault, but he seems to have grown a loyalty to someone other than me. Which is impossible, because we're supposed to be inseparable. He would have me to expect something good, only to stab me in the back with something horrible. I know I haven't been that great of a friend to him these days, but he's gone too far.

I have a friend. We've had our bad times, but after knowing each other for all our lives, I guess I'd expected more. It's not like I can just forget about him, though. He's not like any other friend. We're meant to stay friends until the day we die. I can't just decide I don't like him anymore and leave him.

I have a friend. He's always been there for me, and I thank him for that. I guess the best thing for me to do is to try my best so that he can feel fulfilled when we're gone from this world. I just hope that he can show me some of the love and caring that he did when we were young.

I have a friend. He is precious to me. The day he leaves me is the day I die.

I have a friend. His name is Life.

Written by jihwan at 12:15 PM.

10 x 0 = 0