Entries for November, 2003

There's a friend I want to cheer up. I guess she's feeling pretty crappy these days, and it just kinda makes me sad. She's the type of person that makes everyone around her smile, but I just don't see her bouncy side anymore.


I want to make her feel better.

I just wish I knew how.

Written by jihwan at 06:19 PM.

4 x 0 = 0

These days, there's an ongoing argument inside my head. Combined with my newly acquired vocabulary words from my Psych class, I can pretty much give you a peek into the battle of the wits. Literally. For the sake of explanation, let's call the two sides "Thalamus" and "Oblongata."

Thalamus: Hey, Oblong, I finally figured out what's happening to our host body! Ever since it stopped playing sports, you and I have been sluggish, our host's grades have been slipping, and the body hasn't been doing so well. It's a tragedy!!

Oblongata: Well, woop-de-DOO!! Stop your pansy crying and get back to work! Hurry up and process some more information! Jihwan is trying to do homework, and you're here boring me with your mindless blather!!

Thalamus: ..this is the last warning; you must not allow it to happen!! We have to exercise more!!

Oblongata: Yeah? This is MY last warning: shut up or I'm gonna have to open up a can of that thing that the sensory neurons call "pain" on your gray ass!!

Thalamus: You sad, primitive brute.. you think just because you can control movement, you're better than me? You don't know what's happening to Jihwan's body, do you?

Oblongata: Wait, hold on a second. I'm trying really hard to pretend I care.

Thalamus: I'm not kidding! As we speak, his body is getting lazier and fatter, and his endurance and stamina has decreased to the point of--

Oblongata: Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go to sleep now. Wake me up when Jihwan starts playing Starcraft. Then it's my time to shine! Top-notch reflexes!!

Thalamus: What? You're gonna leave me here all by myself to do the homework? ..wait.. why did it get so dark all of a sudden? Hey, HEY!! Oblongata, you can't let Jihwan go to sleep now, he needs to study!! I demand that you open his eyes and make his body assume the correect posture for maximum study purposes!!

Oblongata: ..hold on.. I'm trying to sleep here.. time to visit good ol' Dreamland.. mmm... Hyori...

Thalamus: GAH!! It's times like this I wish I had control over the physical compenents of the body... *sigh* Oh well. I guess I could use a little rest, too...

* * *

Teacher: Jihwan, why didn't you do your homework?
Jihwan: Um.. well.. I was THINKING about doing it, but my body just wouldn't listen to me, and I guess I just fell asleep.
Teacher: Just what goes on inside your head?
Jihwan: I don't know. It's like there's an argument inside my head sometimes, with two different entities fighting for control.
Teacher: That has got to be one of the worst excuses for not turning in homework I've ever heard. Go sit down.

Written by jihwan at 07:22 PM.

1 x 0 = 0

Due to the very high number of questions and comments I'm receiving about my site, I've decided to clear a few things up.

This is a public online journal, meaning these are my thoughts, open to the public. As we all know, in order to get to this site, one requires a bit of conscious, voluntary decisions [clicking on a link, typing in the address, etc;]. I will not change my thoughts and views according to whether or not readers like them. If you don't like the material presented on this page, or if you're bothered by some of my opinions, then all you need to do is stop coming to this website. It doesn't make sense to claim you hate it and keep coming back for more, does it?

Secondly, this website's sole purpose is to keep my thoughts recorded for my own purposes, and to take the reader on a trip through my mind while I'm at it. I have no need for any fancy bordering or banners, any music playing in the background, bright, flashy colors, or pages that swirl and twirl into the next. I've found that my material alone brings many people back to this site, and I'm thankful for some of the nice feedback I've received. I don't need any neon signs pointing the way to this journal, and I'd like to keep it that way.

And lastly, all the events, thoughts, and feelings that appear in writing on this site are true-to-life, and are not dramatized in any way [contrary to some people's beliefs]. Please enjoy.

Written by jihwan at 10:51 PM.

I disagree!

And here it is again. The homecoming fever. Guys stand around with sweaty palms, nervously stealing glances at the girl he'd like to ask to the dance. Girls excitedly make plans to go shopping for the dresses, the shoes, the makeup, the hairdos, and ponder the perfect picture-taking posture.

Is it just me, or does Homecoming not seem as glamourous as people make it out to be? El Camino's theme for this year is "An Ocean View." Posters advertising the event had nice paintings of a beautiful sunset and crashing waves at the beach. "Hey, cool. This year's HC might not be so bad. Maybe I'll go."

It turns out the Homecoming dance is to be held at school. Instead of the cool ocean breeze ruffling your hair, the salty smell of the wide Pacific filling your every breath, and the nice atmosphere of being at a dance that overlooks the beach, one can experience stale air conditioning, the wonderful scent of hundreds of perspiring people crammed into a room of flashing lights, and the atmosphere of being at a dance that overlooks nothing but the dirty corners of the room.

Apparently, to make up for the disappointment, the school is trying to fit the theme of the dance. Great. A few carboard palm trees, some fake sand, a backdrop painting of the ocean sunset, and bad reggae music can really compensate for not being at Malibu.

But maybe I'm being too cynical. I'm not going. What do I know? It's just that the prospect of squirming around within a heaving mass of sweaty, horny teenage bodies doesn't particularly appeal to me. Perhaps the people that DO go can have the time of their lives imagining the school had the means of actually having a dance at the the beach. Tell me if you enjoy "An Ocean View," will you?

Written by jihwan at 11:29 PM.

6 x 0 = 0

Today's community service at the hospital was interesting. I went, not expecting much, just the usual [take an old lady to the theater, watch a movie, take her back to her room, get hours]. Today, however, turned out to be the day they were showing The Missing before it hit the box office.

Not only that, director Ron Howard was there, sharing his point of view on the movie and stuff like that. That was pretty cool. It's not every day you get to watch a movie with its director before anyone else gets to see it. Could have been a better movie, though...

I half expected the Fonz to show up and start mackin it with the old ladies. We could've had deep conversations about mastering the art of flirting, or as we cool people call it, "taking animal attraction to an insane degree." That would've made my day.

But alas, no flashback to the Happy Days. Woe is me.

Written by jihwan at 10:57 PM.

1 x 0 = 0

The Christian Club Picnic was great, and I was surprised at the number of people that came. We had worship, prayer, and had fun exemplifying Christianity with a nice unified game of tackle football. Those who weren't murdering each other over a hunk of air-filled leather just relaxed [I assume].

The food was good, the worship was good, and feeling the thud of bodies crashing to the ground was good. I'd say the picnic was a success.

Some things I noticed:

1. When you're sick, running around kicking up dust isn't the best therapy for your throat.
2. There are girls that aren't afraid of playing football with the guys.
3. The ground is a lot harder than it looks.

Written by jihwan at 09:06 PM.

I disagree!

I can't believe how sore I am. Every muscle in my body screams when I move. Every. Single. Muscle. I think it may have to do with the fact that after 4 months of non-exercise, I decided to play football with 20 other guys. Slightly stupid. I didn't even stretch. Slightly stupider.

When I tried to get up this morning, I tried to roll out of bed and land on my feet like I do every morning. Lo and behold. My body wouldn't listen to me, and I ended up crashing to the floor headfirst. It took a few seconds for the pain to register [because like my mind, my body is not a morning person, and tends to be a bit sluggish]. Then I screamed. And here's something I realized. I scream like a woman.

My mom came running in, surveyed the situation, and promptly proceeded to beat me with her slipper. "I TOLD you to take it easy!! That's why you're so sore!!" And she left the room leaving me with a few new bruises.

At school, it was actually pretty funny. You could tell who was at the picnic by the way they walked [picture guys waddling around with a permanent grimace on their faces]. All of us felt like every step was pure torture and walking up three flights of stairs to go to English was a Herculean task. Every class I was in, someone would groan, "AHHH!! ahhh..." as he sat down in his seat, and couldn't raise his hand without having to resist the urge to burst out crying.

United in pain. How touching.

Written by jihwan at 10:41 PM.

2 x 0 = 0

There's a really annoying girl in one of my classes. She's one of those obnoxious, really argumentative people that ask stupid questions to which the answer is obvious. "Why do the French speak French?" "How come America doesn't just ban television?" Twit.

I was just sitting there thinking just how annoying she is, when I got a flashback to a commercial I'd seen a few months back. It's a commercial for Kellogg's Apple Jacks, and in it, there are three kids at a kitchen table. They're having the time of their lives asking each other "Philosophical" questions such as: "How come boy bands sound like girls? Why are blackboards green? How come teachers need an answer book?" They were basically being stupid little snots, and they were having jolly fun with it.

While I'm on the subject of annoying cereal commercials, I have say something about those greedy, prejudiced child bigots on the Trix commercials. "NoOooOOo, silly rabbit!! *gigglegiggle* Trix are for KIDS!!!" Just give the stupid rabbit the stupid bowl of cereal, you unbearable farts. It's obvious by the stunts he pulls that he's dying to get a tiny taste of your sugar-saturated saccharine concoction. Stop being stuck-up little monsters and give the bunny your crap.

Where was I? Oh yeah. The annoying girl. Yeah. She's really annoying.

..

That's it. I'm out.

Written by jihwan at 04:57 PM.

3 x 0 = 0

I don't know what you want from me. I'm trying hard, and you know it. What more do you want? I think I'm a good son. I don't go around injecting drugs up my arm. I don't loot liquor stores with a gang. I don't have sex with every girl that comes around the corner. Hell, I don't even dye my hair in fear that you'll freak out on me.

You know I'm trying. You KNOW it. And yet you still find faults. All my effort and accomplishments, and what do I get? A pat on the back and a tip on how I could've done better.

Glaze over the perfect scores on the SATs. Nod at me when I get accepted into the National Student Leadership Conference and am admitted to the National Honor Roll. Give me a half-hearted thumbs-up every time I accomplish something good.

But wait till I forget to run the dryer. Or splatter a few drops of water on the bathroom mirror. Or don't put my shoes on the shoe rack. Absolutely no hesitation to give me a hell that Hades would covet. Right now, I'm having a really hard time controlling my emotions. I'm usually a pretty laid-back person. But enough is enough.

News flash: No one's perfect. And if you don't believe it, then you're in for a nasty surprise. I don't know who you think I am, but I sure as hell am not your ideal of a "good kid," and you know what I realized?

I don't give a [insert colorful word].

Note: I don't hate my life. I love my parents. They're great. Don't confuse me with those people that want to kill everyone. It's just that as of now, I'm feeling angry. And writing helps me to let out my feelings so that I don't say and do things I'll regret later.

Written by jihwan at 12:22 AM.

1 x 0 = 0

I hate it when people say, "Happy Turkey Day!!!" I hate it. I hate it hate it hate it. It doesn't make sense, and even if it did, it's still incredibly stupid. I see it everywhere. I hear it everywhere. It's like an ant in your pants. It's insignificant, but you can't take your mind off it in fear that it's gonna start taking chunks out of your extremities.

First off, why is it Turkey Day? Because some idiot assumed that everyone eats turkey on Thanksgiving Day? That's awfully pretentious of the guy. I guess someone didn't inform the dude that I eat ham and chicken on Thanksgiving. I'm sure other people eat different things besides the big 'ol bird with the bread and vegetables shoved up its butt.

Or is it Turkey Day because turkeys seem to be the stereotypical, all-American centerpiece of the holiday dinner? But isn't it kind of ironic to name a day after the turkey and then start shoving fistfuls of the bird into your gluttonous mouths? I'm sure the turkey ambassador [not the country] would be honored to have an official day on which its people get slaughtered so they can be eaten, frozen, reheated, and re-eaten for a week afterward.

I have a proposal. Instead of going out of our way and blindly grabbing for a cute little nickname for the fourth Thursday of November, how about we call the day what the American ancestors set precedents for?

Call me crazy, but I think it should be called Thanksgiving Day.

Written by jihwan at 11:01 PM.

5 x 0 = 0

There are certain stories that send a tingle down your spine. You know the feeling. It's as though there was something more than just words on a page, something intangible yet undeniably real. There are motivational exerpts, stories of incredible faith, or tales of a power greater than anything we can imagine. This story is all three.

This is the story of something that happened a few years ago at the University of Southern California.

There was a professor of philosophy there who was a deeply committed atheist. His primary goal for one required class was to spend the entire semester attempting to prove that God couldn't exist. His students were always afraid to argue with him because of his impeccable logic. For twenty years, he had taught this class and no one had ever had the courage to go against him. Sure, some had argued in class at times, but no one had ever really gone against him because of his reputation.

At the end of every semester on the last day, he would say to his class of 300 students, "If there is anyone here who still believes in Jesus, stand up." In twenty years, no one had ever stood up. They knew what he was going to do next. He would say, "Because anyone who believes in God is a fool. If God existed, he could stop this piece of chalk from hitting the ground and breaking. Such a simple task to prove that He is God, and yet He can't do it." And every year, he would drop the chalk onto the tile floor of the classroom and it would shatter into a hundred pieces. All of the students would do nothing but stop and stare. Most of the students thought that God couldn't exist.

Certainly, a number of Christians had slipped through, but for 20 years, they had been too afraid to stand up. Well, a few years ago there was a freshman who happened to enroll. He was a Christian, and had heard the stories about his professor. He was required to take the class for his major, and he was afraid. But for three months that semester, he prayed every morning that he would have the courage to stand up no matter what the professor said, or what the class thought. Nothing they said could ever shatter his faith, he hoped.

Finally, the day came. The professor said, sneering, "If there is anyone here who still believes in God, stand up." The freshman stood. The professor and the class of 300 people looked at him, shocked, as he stood up at the back of the classroom. The professor shouted, "You FOOL! If God existed, he would keep this piece of chalk from breaking when it hit the ground." He proceeded to drop the chalk, but as he did, it slipped out of his fingers, off his shirt cuff, onto the pleat of his pants, down his leg, and off his shoe. As it hit the ground, it simply rolled away unbroken.

The professor's jaw dropped as he stared at the chalk. He looked up at the young man, and then ran out of the lecture hall.

The young man walked to the front of the room and shared his faith in Jesus for the next half hour. The 300 students stayed and listened as he told of God's love for them and of His power through Jesus.

Written by jihwan at 11:27 PM.

1 x 0 = 0

How do you do it? How do you make me smile like that? It's unnatural. I'm having a crappy day, I'm tired, hungry, stressed, and cranky. Then you say something, anything, and I can't help it. I laugh.

How do you scatter all my gray clouds?

When someone starts talking about the most fascinating subject in the world, I drift. When my teacher's giving out answers to the quiz the next day, my mind wanders. But when you start talking about how you fell off the curb that morning, or how you sat on a brownie and your skirt looked like you had an accident, my only reaction is to smile.

I laugh with my friends. I laugh at the guy that trips while running from school security. I laugh when Bart Simpson tricks Homer into signing a permission slip to a strip bar. But only you make me LAUGH.

I'm weakening. I feel it. I can't be the cool, calm, laid-back person I want to be. Instead, I'm laughing at every little thing. I'm smiling at the wall. It's disturbing.

What are you doing to me?

Written by jihwan at 10:41 PM.

3 x 0 = 0

When I was a little boy, my mother used to embroider a great deal. I would sit and look up from the floor and ask what she was doing. She informed me that she was embroidering. I told her that it looked like a mess from where I was. As I watched her work from the carpet, I complained to her that it sure looked messy from where I sat.

She would smile at me, look down and gently say, "My son, you go about your playing for a while, and when I am finished with my embroidering, I will let you see it from my side."

I would wonder why she was using some dark threads along with the bright ones and why they seemed so jumbled from my view. A few minutes would pass and then I would hear Mother's voice say, "Son, come now and sit on my knee." I did, to be surprised and thrilled to see a beautiful flower or a sunset. I could not believe it, because from underneath it looked so messy. Then Mother would say to me, "My son, from underneath it did look messy and jumbled, but you did not realize that there was a pre-drawn plan on the top. It was a design. I was only following it. Now look at it from my side and you will see what I was doing."

Many times through the years I have looked up to my Heavenly Father and said, "Father, what are You doing?" He has answered, "I am embroidering your life. " I say, "But it looks like a mess to me. It seems so jumbled. The threads seem so dark. Why can't they all be bright?"

The Father seems to tell me, "'My child, you go about your business of doing My business, and one day I will bring you to Heaven and put you on My knee, and you will see the plan from My side."

Written by jihwan at 05:44 PM.

3 x 0 = 0

Well, I don't know if ya'll have been counting, but this entry marks the 100th post that this page has exhibited. And, as we Americans are so inclined to do, we must have some sort of celebration, right? I know what you're thinking. Where are the fireworks, the cotton candies and caramel apples, the 200 ft. ferris wheel?

Yes, I'd had plans to incorporate all that good celebration stuff into this entry. However, the people that were supposed to set the whole thing up couldn't make it. Supposedly they had a flat tire, their cotton candy machine wouldn't work, they couldn't rent the ferris wheel, and they couldn't gather enough slave monkeys to spin the merry-go-round. Sorry.

But to make up for the botched parade and festivities, I've decided that you faithful readers have now earned my trust, and that you may now learn the shocking secret of my past. That's right, folks. You will discover the true lineage and bloodline of yours truly. For in reality, behind the suave demeanor and the tall, handsome goodness, there lies a man of royal blood.

It all started about a score year ago.. when the woods were dark, the tiger prowled, the huts were barren, and the city of Seoul was bustling about with frenzied men and women trying to survive the harsh wilds.

The long-standing, highly respected Kim family of the Royal Palace decided that it was time for the second son to wed. After much debates and matches, a woman from the lineage of the Gongju Yoon family was decided on to be the bride.


A traditional wedding was thrown with much a flair and a flourish, and Kim Chang Young and Yoon Seok Sun were bound in matrimony.


Then, after a couple years, the heir of wealth and glory was borne into the world. Named for Strength and Wisdom, Kim Ji Hwan was the sensation of the land.


Under the teachings of only the best scholars, Ji Hwan vigorously learned what a future king would need to rule his kingom with wisdom and power.


When he was about two years old, JiHwan found the love of his life, the apple of his eye, the Juliet to his Romeo. Age was nothing but a number to them, and their love budded and blossomed into something the servants of the court marvelled at. The two young lovers spent their days together, sailing the oceans, chasing butterflies, and taking nice walks on the beautiful lawns of the palace.

However, like Shakespeare's star-crossed lovers, these two young ones' story ended with tragedy. The nation underwent an uproar due to the birth of Ji Hwan's sister, and a coup led by his evil uncle overthrew the King and his advisors. The royal family was forced to flee to a distant country called America, and the young love that had grown between Ji Hwan and his fair lady was suddenly torn apart.

After the family had moved to America, Chang Young Kim vowed to put aside his past and lineage and attempt to live as the others did, working and toiling under the hot sun to feed his family. His wife and children followed suit, and Ji Hwan grew up not fully realizing his potential.

Perhaps the story of Ji Hwan will turn out for the better; maybe the forgotten love will find Ji hwan, convince him that he is the righteous king, and Ji Hwan will return and confront his diabolical uncle and take his place on Pride Rock the throne.

Perhaps not.

Written by jihwan at 10:34 PM.

5 x 0 = 0

Well, dump a load of crap on me and call me hypocritical. I had turkey for Thanksgiving. I don't care, it was good. It was nice to go with the flow of American society, you know? Because as I was sawing the big 'ol bird [not Big Bird, sorry; his carcass is being saved for Christmas], I knew at least 10 million other patriots were doing the same thing.

And what a bird it was. It probably weighed more than my little cousin did. In fact, I think we could've used the kid as stuffing. But I digress. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.



Habby Danksgibbing, people!!

Written by jihwan at 02:18 AM.

5 x 0 = 0

You know that one saying? "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Well, I was thinking about that. I guess it's supposed to mean that if nothing's going your way, and all you're getting is bad luck and hard times, then you should use that to your advantage and turn it into good fortune.

Whoever made up that saying was stupid, idealistic, and incredibly naive. You can't expect some distressed, overwhelmed teenager to possibly look at all his problems and think, "Oh!! Here's my chance to turn my hard luck into good luck!! Let's see.. my best friend got pregnant.. I guess that's a good thing, because now she doesn't have to go to high school.. and I guess it's all right that my parents got separated.. I don't have to listen to them fight anymore.. YEP!! Life is GOOD!!"

Teens can't help being full of shit angst. Society is forcing us to become idiots. But I have to emphasize that the world isn't a happy, dance-around-with-pink-hippos, live-in-a-bubble place. And if you think every little thing is good, or that you can just close your eyes and fool yourself into thinking it's good, then you're a moron.

Here's what I think:

"If life gives you lemons, make lemonade; but you have to wait for life to give you some sugar first."

Written by jihwan at 12:24 PM.

9 x 0 = 0