Entries for September, 2003

I inserted a CD into my drive. Nothing. So I pushed the "Open Tray" button and waited. Nothing. I went to My Computer and tried to eject the tray. Nothing. I restarted my computer and tried again. Nothing. I waited a day and tried it again. NOTHING.

I have a few theories as to why my computer won't eject the CD.

1) My computer developed AI [for the stupid buttpickers out there, it's Artificial Intelligence] while I was in Korea, and to get back at me for neglecting it for so long, it's hiding the disc in its hard metal carapace and preventing me from using my drive in any way whatsoever.

2) My computer had been hungry during my absence. It didn't receive the continuous flow of electricity it'd been previously living off of because it had been turned off for a long period of time. Therefore, the first chance it got to consume a type of data storage device, it swallowed it whole. Right now, my CD's slowly being digested, and when my computer's finished, the tray will open innocently, and my disc will be gone.

3) The CD I put into the drive was actually a very clever camouflage for a covert extraterrestrial probing device that is currently downloading corrupt human files off my internet connection. The data collected will be used to study the primitive methods of communication the sentient species on the third planet in this solar system uses. My guess would be that the aliens scattered these "Probe discs" all over the world to get unsuspecting consumers such as I to become unknowing tools of their diabolical scheme.

4) There's something wrong with my computer.

Written by jihwan at 07:51 PM. Filed under Rants.

7 x 0 = 0

I look at the people around me, the people I have classes with, the people that I see sitting around and laughing. And I wonder if I'm too critical of life and society. I try to remember if there was a period in my life in which I could look at the world and think, "How real, how true!" If there was, I don't remember it.

Everything and everyone seems so fake. No one shows their true colors, and just displays what they think other people want to see. I find it frustrating how simple it is to categorize everyone into a genre of society. He's a punker. She's a cheerleader. He's a gangsta. She's an aZnQtPie. People claim that they are "individuals," yet they go around sneaking peeks at what the world wants them to do and mold their personalities into that form. Why can't people have a self-esteem high enough to break away from the factory line of clones that are being produced?

My mind has been opened to thinking in a larger scope, and has been trained to view everything and everyone through a filter. When I meet someone, I don't automatically see their personality or character. First, I notice the way they talk, the way they hold themselves, the way their minds work. Then, if that someone passes my unnoticeable scan and evaluation, I'd open up a bit more.

I guess looking at life from a critical, test-everything-before-you-try-it point of view is a good thing if I want to get ahead in life. But in doing so, I've become this cynical guy who unwittingly pushes other people apart. People that could become my friends.

I suppose my standard for looking at people "worthwhile" to communicate with is a bit high. But that's just the way my mind works. I guess subconsciously, I only want to be with people that can further my intellect. People [sorry to say] not up to the standard of who I need to know in order to get ahead in life get shunted.

Critical. Cynical. Conceited. I've heard many references to me. But, who knows? Maybe this coming school year, I can be more open-minded.

Or maybe not.

Written by jihwan at 06:19 AM.

3 x 0 = 0

It's been a while since I've had a nice long rant. The right subject just hadn't come up. That changed today. I was visiting some people's Xangas today, and every time I saw an entry that started with the phrase "Lyfe totally sux," I groaned. Another emo site.. So here's my rant on Emo.

"My life sucks so bad. My mom yelled at me for not wiping the table right. What's her problem, anyway? She doesn't even understand how much stress I'm going through! I have the cruelest parents in the world. My teachers at school always call on me, and the kids in my classes look at me like I'm a freak.. I just want to run away. Only my Good Charlotte and my Blink 182 understand me. I'm gonna go cry in my room now because my life is so pathetic. I just want to die."

Let's take this statement apart and analyze it, shall we?

My life sucks so bad. - Yeah. Considering you have a home to live in, food to eat, and clothes on your back, and the fact that you can get an education for free in a country where you have religious and political freedom, your life DOES suck.

My mom yelled at me for not wiping the table right. What's her problem, anyway? - What's her problem? Her problem is that after a hard day working overtime to help feed her family, her high school kid can't even wipe the table correctly, and is instead upstairs ripping up the jeans that she'll wear tomorrow and trying to dye her hair black.

She doesn't even understand how much stress I'm going through! - Oh yeah. The teen life is so stressful. Even more stressful, in fact, than the responsibility of being a parent of an unruly adolescent in today's society. All parents do is work their cojones off so that they can put food on the table and keep the "stressed out" teen in a good mood, right? After all, kids are all that matter.

I have the cruelest parents in the world. - Once again, you're right. Besides the parents that are irresponsible, constantly enraged drunkards that physically, verbally, and sexually abuse their children on a regular basis, you DO have the cruelest parents in the world. Ask the other kids. I'm sure they'll agree that taking away your phone privileges is a sin to ensure that your parents should burn for eternity in hell.

My teachers at school always call on me, and the kids in my classes look at me like I'm a freak.. I just want to run away. - The teachers call on you so that, believe it or not, you can actually learn the material. That's the reason you're at school. To interact and join in the learning process. And the reason kids look at you like you're a freak is probably because of your dreadlocked black and green hair, your 568,942 bracelets and "Emo power" pins, and your extremely poorly-applied makeup and black nail polish.

Only my Good Charlotte and my Blink 182 understand me. - Yes. The pointless music on the subject of "My girlfriend didn't call me last night. I'm gonna go write a song about how our love's falling apart." Here's an excerpt from a song by Blink 182's "Adam's Song."

I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known?
I trace the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed to go on
But you'll be sorry when I'm gone

Pointless, fickle, petty things. Instead of focusing on something they'd rather do with their lives, teens listen to this kind of music and believe that at the age of 16, they'll "die alone." Incredible.

I'm gonna go cry in my room now because my life is so pathetic. I just want to die. - If that kind of thing makes you want to die, then I have to wonder what contribution you would've made to society with your life anyway. There are people out there that can't eat, can't work, can't go a day without feeling a horrible hopelessness. And yet they still go on with their lives. If you think that life and death is such a light thing that you talk about it in such an offhand way, then the world won't miss you.

I'm really getting tired of all this bull. The selfishness of these people astounds me. They may have everything in life going for them, and the best they can do is sit there picking their butts and contemplating suidcide over what their boyfriend said at school that day.

Life isn't all about your little daily dramas. It may be hard to believe, but there are more important things to life than what goes on in your hemisphere of the world. Shut your flaphole and think about what you're crying about. No one cares about your crocodile tears. Just shut up.

Written by jihwan at 08:54 PM. Filed under Rants.

6 x 0 = 0

I hold up a camera. The girls scream and run to the far side of the room. I sense a "cause and effect" type of situation going on here. When someone tries to take a picture of girls, they flee for their lives unless they've been informed of it at least 3 days in advance.

No one cares if your hair isn't perfect. No one notices your slightly smeared mascara. And no one gives half a fried rat's ass whether or not your clothes aren't fresh from Hollister or whereever you get your stupid wardrobe. IF THEY DID, THEY WOULDN'T BE TRYING TO TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU. Just stand there and pretend to look pretty. It's extremely annoying when I have to run around the room chasing a group of shrieking banshees to get a stupid picture for my stupid project.

Strange though, how those same girls can go home, and within an hour, they've created a 40-picture collage of themselves to cram into my poor little 4.0 MB email. This small male brain can't comprehend this apparently normal behavior of females concerning cameras.

For the ladies out there: do you like taking pictures, or don't you? [And keep in mind that I'm a guy. That means one word answers are all I can understand. No long detailed explanations dating back to prehistoric times and the psychology of women. Please.]

Written by jihwan at 10:14 PM.

10 x 0 = 0

At school, I'm tormented everywhere I go. Every time I go up the stairs, there's a skanky girl's butt posing as a billboard in front of my face. They wear those tight lavender or pink pants with those witty little words on the backside. You know, the ones that say, "Cheer" or "Juicy." I want to kick some serious butt every time I see those things.

What's the use in wearing very tight, very velvet-y, [probably] very hot pants that don't do anything but make people like me want to punt you off a cliff? At least they're expanding their vocabulary with these things nowadays. Today, I saw one that said "Priceless." Shoot me. If your butt were priceless, I highly doubt that it would be part of you. It would have a better meaning if attached to something with a higher IQ. Say, a sloth?

But maybe I'm being too critical. They can wear what they want, right? But when I see one of those sleeparounds wearing pink, size 1/2 pants that proclaim "In your dreams," I can't help but wonder what kind of inflated, sadly mistaken self-image they have.

Written by jihwan at 10:20 PM. Filed under Rants.

3 x 0 = 0

I was given the great fun of debating the scintillating and controversial subject of rain forests with a pair of whiny, tea-sipping, save-the-whales tree-huggers today. It was actually pretty fun, but left me feeling a bit more like a savage than a human being. I shouldn't feel that way, but those bastards made me!!! ROAR.

Many people argue that cutting down the rain forests will kill and even push certain animal species toward extinction. Let me ask: who REALLY cares? I mean, I don't know about you, but I think I can get by with life if some exotic, tree-dwelling two-toed sloth isn't on this planet. Call me horrible, but I really don't see what the big fuss is about. I say, humans: first. Stupid capybaras that don't do anything: second.

Then, the animal-rights activists will rise up majestically to argue that the stupid blue parrot deserves the right to live through the terrible wrath of the savage human invasion. Whinewhinewhine. You know what? I think that those hardworking lumberjacks get hungry once in a while. Why not make use of the abundant food sources in the Brazillian forests? Kentucky Fried Parrot. Yum.

Then, realizing that their PETA ways wouldn't work, they switched to another tactic. They claimed that cutting down the rain forests would cripple the world's ability to photosynthesize and convert Carbon dioxide to Oxygen.

This may be a new fact to many people. Did you know that only 3% of the world's CO2 is converted to Oxygen by the rain forests? The other 97% is taken care of by the oceans. Yep. The natural plant life in the ocean waters is almost solely responsible for the oxygen we breathe. So where's your argument? Cut down. Just like the rain forests. Har. Har.

So I'm cruel and coldhearted.

Written by jihwan at 09:38 PM. Filed under Rants.

3 x 0 = 0

It's a great feeling. The feeling you get when something falls into place all of a sudden. You could've been pondering it for a week, but it's like you weren't meant to understand it. Then, at the most random time, it clicks. No. It CLICKS. I feel great.

I've been trying to get the lyrics to a certain song. I'd had it all memorized, except this one phrase. It annoyed the yellow asian out of me. I'd visited lyrics sites, asked a bunch of people, and even resorted to listening to the song about a billion times. But it continued to drive me crazy.

It was about 5:30 in the morning, and I was half awake. No, make that 1/4 awake, because I vaguely remember holding a conversation with my alarm clock. I guess I was dreaming about the song, mulling over the lyrics over and over again. Then, in my zombie mode, somewhere in the hazy abyss of the subconscious, it was just there. "Jeez!! Why didn't I get this before?!?!"

I jumped out of bed, tripped over my blanket while running over to my stereo, knocked the fan over with my butt, and practically crushed my arm against the drawers. Then, panting and groaning, I popped the cd into the stereo. Oblivious to the fact that I was dancing and singing along to a song in my boxers, and the fact that my next-door neighbor was staring at me gyrate my hips stripper-style, I was purely happy.

Little things like that just make my day.

Written by jihwan at 08:31 PM.

3 x 0 = 0

Yesterday was the first day of Christian Club at school. In the morning, we all gathered in front of the school at the flagpole, and just prayed and worshipped. I noticed that as kids were arriving at school, they were at least moderately interested in what we were doing. Some even joined us in praying and singing. Praise God.

Then, during lunchtime, I was surprised at the number of people that showed up for the first meeting. Unlike last year, there were actually non-asians that came! Usually, they would come, be intimidated by all the asians, and not come back. I hope that doesn't happen this year.

As a leader, I hope I can help others get closer to God throughout the year. More importantly, I pray I can become a good testimony for God, and that my own relationship with God can be stronger and closer.

So many hopes. Heavenly Father, guide me.

Written by jihwan at 10:00 PM.

1 x 0 = 0

I was walking down the stairs at school this morning. It was a bit crowded, and I happened to step on this black guy's shoe. When I got about two feet away, he starts to talk. "Man, you done step on mah mothafuckin' shoe!!" I kept walking. Then he yells out. "Say sorry!!"

How about NO? Ok, I'm not a bad guy. I would've said "my bad" or something, if I'd thought the situation deserved it. But it was a stupid thing. And the fact that he was standing on the stupid stairs where everyone WALKS was brainless to begin with. If you don't want your STUPID shoe to get stepped on, then get off the STUPID stairs, STUPID. Same with your "homies."

Not only that, he was one of those guys that has to dress with everything matching. You know. The Clippers jersey, the Clippers visor, the white warm-ups with the red and blue stripes down the side. Then, of course, the perfect, immaculate, white shoes. I wouldn't have said sorry just because of the way he dressed. Ugh. Stop obsessing about stupid things and go study or something. Then maybe you won't feel like you need to make a big deal out of everything.

Yeah, I know I'm making a big deal out of it. Shut up. I had to get it out of my system.

Written by jihwan at 07:04 PM. Filed under Rants.

3 x 0 = 0

It's 7:30 in the morning on a Thursday. And I'm not leaving for school. In fact, I'm sitting here, in my boxers, typing this out. This morning, when I tried to get up, I felt this extremely unpleasant sensation in my neck. It drove all the groggy thoughts out of my head. It made me forget where I was and what I was doing. All this in an instant burst of neurons and electronic signals. It caused me to emit a high-pitched shriek that probably echoed around half the San Fernando Valley.

I think this strange feeling is called "pain."

My mom called a therapist friend of hers at 6 in the morning, who drove over and proceeded to further my misery.

Dude: Turn your head this way.
Me: I can't. It hurts.
Dude: It's ok. Turn it this way.
Me: OK... [screams]
Dude: All right. It hurts.

It's time for some more of this great therapy. Garg.

Written by jihwan at 07:38 AM.

I disagree!

Friends aren't supposed to make you feel bad. Friends are supposed to lift your self-esteem, even though you may not be perfect. Not all the time, of course. Sure, they tease you and poke fun at you. But when it starts getting to the point where every word out of your mouth is up for a barrage of criticism, you get sick of it. Fast. I can take it. You know I take it. But in my own opinion, I've taken enough bullshit to last me through high school. I respond with a smile, but enough is enough.

Not only that, but when you insist on repeatedly visiting a personal blog and then criticizing it, you're taking it another step too far. No one told you to read my entries. If you don't like it, then don't read it. Instead of making me feel bad, why don't you try keeping a sarcastic comment to yourself once in a while? I'm really sick of it. I'm at the point where I just don't feel like talking to you. Really.

You know who you are. I would say it to you face to face, but for my sake, I'm writing it here. You know my temper. I can get out of control. You guys are my best friends, and I love you. A lot. That's why I can ask you this. Cut it out.

Written by jihwan at 12:09 AM.

2 x 0 = 0

It's scary when you forget what "having a good time" means. You think you know, but after a while, it fades. Kinda like riding a bike. They say you never forget, but try it after a few years. You fall and your face meets the asphalt. But that's another story.

Today was great. I went to a friend's place, who'd just re-done his whole house. Furnished with a basketball court, a foozball table, and a pool table. Eight guys lounging around on a Saturday afternoon. Good stuff.

Some of today's memorable quotes:

"Rematch. That last goal was seriously queer."
"Look at my pool-table-whore pose."
"Wow, Sark, you have a nice ass."
"Dude, your dog's ugly."
"8 ball, corner pocket... shit."
"You're lucky I'm wearing pants!!"

I didn't want to come home.

Written by jihwan at 11:33 PM.

2 x 0 = 0

Your name of Jihwan gives you the ability to be creative along practical lines of endeavour. Your ideas can be very original and inventive. You enjoy being with people in a social environment. Your personal appearance is important to you, for you desire to make a good impression on others. Your pleasant manner attracts people to you with their problems and you are capable of offering practical advice, though you would probably not follow such advice yourself. This name causes you to be somewhat too concerned with the personalities, problems, and activities of other people. You seem positive and decisive and can be outspoken in the expression of your opinions. Procrastination is your downfall.

At first glance, I'd be amazed at the accuracy of this evaluation. But I read it again, this time from an objective point of view. And I'd say that this description, although surprisingly accurate for me, can apply to many other people.

Also, the website that I got this from says that your name determines who you are, what you're like, your future success, and whatnot. I don't like that. The fact that my name determines my whole life doesn't sit right with me. It makes me uncomfortable. When I'm uncomfortable, I get cranky.

The site goes on to say that it can recommend a name for me so that my name can "be in harmony with my inner potential." They're completely about helping ME with MY life. They're sincerely philathropic. All they need is $120, and they can suggest a new name for me.

"A change of name will change your life," they say. How about this: I keep my 120 bucks, and you take your offer, turn it sideways, and forcefully sit on it? mmm... A shift.. in the northern winds.. of the spiritual realm.. coupled with the turbulent pools.. of the netherworld.. urges me.. to take your wothless propaganda.. and shove it.. down.. your.. throat.. mmm...

I'm not being mean. It was determined by their names.

Written by jihwan at 09:50 PM.

3 x 0 = 0